Some Scars Never Fade
by Steph52499
Summary: Naruto needs a release. He's been under all this pressure for way to long. With no one to turn to and no one to help his habit is going to catch up with him one day. Maybe he was never meant to be saved. Warning: Self-harm


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto...:(

The Hated One

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."

― Martin Luther King Jr.

Chapter 1

Tired blue eyes snapped open from their blissful rest as sunlight flooded in from the uncovered window. The owner of the said eyes got up and glanced around his forlorn apartment.

Empty ramen cups littered the weary floor along with dirtied articles of clothing and a few dulled kunais. The kitchen was empty, looking desolate as the morning sunlight reflected off the old unused surfaces. A lonesome shabby looking couch sat by the peeling wall in a futile effort to make more space in the crammed apartment room.

The few furniture pieces that the sleeping boy owned had at least an inch of dust on them and the wooden floors looked way too overused. The overall state of the apartment was very poor to say the least.

Of course his rent for the room was a shocking amount that should at least get him a more than decent dwelling. Unfortunately, people in his village are ignorant and monsters on the inside, even when they call him the supposedly real one.

With a groan the blonde boy, seemingly around thirteen, slumped back down to the warm confines of his bed. As his dark eyelashes fluttered shut an obnoxious blaring noise came from an old alarm clock on the dresser to the right of his bed, forcing his eyes to once again open.

With a slam of his hand he quickly disabled the terrible noise of the monstrosity that is called an alarm clock. A series of groans tumbled out of the teen as he got up once again, shivering as the cold floor caressed the pads of his bare feet. Raising his arms above his head to stretch, a long yawn emitted from his throat that momentarily filled the everlasting silence.

This was not such a great morning for him and a blurry glance at his clock read informed that he was at least an hour too early to be up. He must have set his alarm wrong last night.

Oh well, no use in trying to go back to bed now, he thought bitterly with his lack of sleep being the most important need in his mind. Shooting an annoyed glance at the noisy birds chirping on the branches of the towering tree outside his bedroom window, he made his way to the small bathroom adjacent to his room.

The spray of the shower relaxed him as it raged down on his worn out muscles. A wince caused him to reconsider his nonstop training schedule yesterday. After rinsing his hair and cleansing his body of all the sweat and dirt from his late night training session he wrapped a towel around his waist and stalked back to his closet for some clothes. He made sure not to avoid his lone mirror hanging on the wall in the bathroom on his way out. He really wanted to remove the reflective object, but it would be too questionable to others.

He stared emotionlessly at the horrendous orange that filled his closet, the old jumpsuits were the only things shop owners gave him. But you take what you get. Hmm maybe a change of clothes would be good for once... He'll have to use henge to get the clothes though or else face the wrath of the biased store owners.

After getting ready and currently munching on some slightly molded toast the boy decided to go to the usual meeting place for his team and wait for the rest of his teammates to join him. Having his mind set he grabbed his headband that identified him as a loyal Kohona ninja.

While walking to the bridge Naruto thought about all the things he'll need need to pay for this month, like rent, food, plumbing, and electricity(apparently plumbing and electricity isn't included in the rent for only his apartment.)He absentmindedly turned the corners of the path he knew all to well that led to Team 7's bridge, ignoring the glares and sneers of the villagers surrounding him.

He'll have to talk to the Hokage about the upcoming rent, after all his side jobs aren't constant steady incomes. His thoughts turned dark along with his eyes as his thinking traveled down an unwelcome path of memories. It's been two years...

He'll also have to make sure that he doesn't give anything away as to exactly why he missed his meeting with the old Hokage on Saturday too. Inwardly flinching at the next unpleasant memory of the weekend and previous years of his childhood his blinding smile grew impossibly wider, skillfully masking his inner pain. Whispers about people's hate for him and hurtful words floated to his ears and caused the smile to falter for a second but it quickly resumed, even brighter than before.

"Monster."

"Demon Child."

"Go do this whole village a favor and die already."

"Go to hell, you murder! No one likes you."

The words resounded in his ears, Monster. Monster. Monster.

His feet continued walking towards his destination as the words got worse and more numerous. You think he'd be used to it, hearing it since he could remember.

"Is that what I am?", he murmured under his breath as the villagers words and glares pierced through the very soul of the seemingly confident and dumb boy, but every new stare caused holes to burn through. An almost welcoming pain gripped his heart.

His tan hands subtlety pulled down his long sleeves a little lower, the old scars aching uncomfortably as he tried to walk with his head raised high.

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. He spoke the mantra again and again in his head trying to relax himself.

As he neared the bridge he blinked in surprise, almost tripping over his feet at the sight before him. There was Sasuke leaning against an oak tree while Sakura was chatting his ear off. The Uchiha's dark eyebrow twitched, the only thing giving away his annoyance with the pink haired devil– ahem girl. Why the hell were they here this early? He usually came long before either woke up. He shrugged it off.

Coughing he tried to get their attention only to get Sakura pausing momentarily to glare at the blonde then take a deep breath and resume talking a mile a minute to her unresponsive crush. Sighing he finished his trek over to the bridge and leaned against the rail, gliding his back down with his body to sit down. Well, time to catch up on some of his lost sleep.

"Naruto." A shrill voice called making the said boy groan lightly.

"Naruto." A little louder. He flinched and grumbled incoherently at the imposing voice.

"Naruto!" The shriek of his name and a hard hit on the head, thanks to his only female teammate, caused Naruto to abruptly jerk up from his nap.

He scowled at the blurry image in front of him that was surely the cause of him being awake. Rubbing his eyes he glared back up at the now clearer person. It was Sakura his sleep blurred mind barely comprehended.

"What the fuck do you want?" He asked angry from the definite lack of sleep and the thumping of a headache starting.

"U-Um we are going to go to the H-Hokage now?" Sakura looked shocked and a little unnerved at her blonde teammate's reaction to waking him up. Usually he was all over her asking for dates and such being overall very annoying.

Another scowl filled his handsome features as his slender golden eyebrows furrowed.

"So? Why the hell shoul-"

His eyes widened. Shit. What am I doing? Naruto thought in alarm as his still sleep fogged brain finally figured out just what he was saying to his "crush". He calmed himself with a deep breath making sure he was composed before he began.

"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan! I had a rough night and didn't get a lot of sleep so I was really cranky! Do you forgive me?" His mask slipped into place as he ended his sincere sounding apology with a pair of watery puppy dog eyes.

A hard punch on his head was his response. He heard a snort from a certain Uchiha and a laugh from his silver haired pervert teacher, that arrived just in time to see Sakura's answer to her blonde teammate's apology.

God, I hate my team, was the thought of the Kyuubi jailor as he ran to catch up with his team a giant smile in his face.

But the quietness of the walk to only God knows where unnerved the knuckle headed ninja so when he saw the squirrel darting around on the ground he exclaimed to it loudly for it get out of his training grounds.

His team made snide remarks, "What are you doing you stupid Dobe?" Sasuke.

"NARUTO! YOU BAKA SASKUE'S RIGHT LIKE ALWAYS GET BACK OVER HERE! YOUR SO ANNOYING! WE ARE GOING TO THE HOKAGE FOR A MISSION SO GET YOUR STUPID BUTT OVER HERE!" Guess who.

"Naruto, stop being so careless. How are you ever going to be a good ninja?" A certain metallic haired teacher said while reading a little orange book.

"Sorry! I'm coming!" A frenzied Naruto dropped the squirrel from his death grip on it. God damn them, he retorted in his mind along with a mental glare that soon wilted.

He didn't mean that, but the words of his team caused a sharp sting of hurt in his heart. He just wanted to be...accepted.

After traveling through the roads of the peaceful village Naruto asked what was weighing on his mind.

"So, Why are we seeing Jiji again?"

"Because we need to get a new mission. One better than babysitting and picking up trash but with you on the team we will be lucky to even get a D rank at best, Deadlast." Spoke Sasuke harshly.

A bout of laughter escaped the stoic boy's sun kissed rival. Obviously fake to himself but it was sufficient enough to fool the others.

"Teme, talk about yourself! You couldn't have gotten a C rank mission if it was right in front of your face. Especially with that giant stick up your ass." He muttered the last part.

A snarl erupted from the last Uchiha's throat—Oops I think he heard me, Naruto thought with a chuckle.—but before the black haired teammate could respond a certain pink haired fangirl did for him.

"NARUTO!," she screamed her face red with anger and her fist up and shaking ready to punch his head in.

"LIKE YOU SHOULD TALK YOU FAILED THE ACADEMY EXAMS HOW MANY TIMES? AND LOOK AT YOUR ATROCIOUS OUTFIT! NOT TO MENTION SASUKE-KUN IS WAY HOTTER AND A BETTER NINJA THAN YOU'LL EVER BE! I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOU'LL NEVER BE HOKAGE! NO ONE LIKES YOU SO WHO WOULD WANT YOU TO BE HOKAGE!WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SEE THAT EVERYONE HATES YOU?!"

Her shriek caused many villagers to momentarily stop glaring at the container of the Kyuubi and send a wary glance at her. Kakashi looked at them nonchalantly and the returned to his book, giggling perversely.

"Shut up." Naruto ground out in fury, his baby blue eyes flashing a crismon red. One thing he hated the most about the village was how everybody laughed at his dream. He released a potent amount of killer intent that caused Sakura to shut up at his once again out of character reply and demeanor.

Sasuke and Kakashi gave the blonde questioning and slightly cautious looks at his valiant display of rudeness. They both were irritated with the blonde's unusual behavior. It's been getting more and more frequent these past few weeks.

Huffing Naruto quickly put up his smile, not bothering to amend for his comment to Sakura.

"LET'S GO! I NEED TO DO A BUNCH OF MISSIONS TO BECOME HOKAGE! BELIEVE IT!"

Everyone that could hear him, that means anyone in a five mile radius, burst out laughing at his dream. And the sad part of it is that his team were the ones laughing the hardest.

Naruto ignored the stab of pain in his heart and put on a blushing face while scratching the back of his neck.

"Heh, that was a bit loud wasn't it."

No one could respond until they got their laughter under control.

"Alright. Let's get going," Kakashi informed his three students, then added as an after thought to Naruto," Led us the way Lord Hokage."

This earned another round of snickers and laughter at Naruto.

"YOUR JUST JELOUS! BELIEVE IT!" He willed his eyes to stop burning with unshed tears.

Stop, Naruto. You already know not to get close to people. Remember the first time, and the second time, and the twelve time. Didn't go to well, did it?, he scolded himself mentally.

"Are you coming, Dobe?"

With a ginormous grin that filled his whole face, effectively covering the hurt, he ran after his team to see the Third Hokage.

Once they finally got the OK to enter the Hokage's room Naruto burst through the door.

"Hey, old man!" He said rudely(affectionately), earning him a punch to the head from Sakura.

The third's elderly face lit up when he saw Naruto and a fond smile replaced the previous scowl on his face.

"Naruto, I'm glad to see you and your team make it."

The older man gave a small nod of acknowledgement to the remaining team members.

Coughing, Kakashi quickly hid his orange book and asked the Hokage what their mission for today would be.

The leader of the Village Hidden in the Leaves looked through the available missions that Team 7 could their leader was searching for a reasonable mission for them, Team 7 stood there quietly waiting for once.

"Ah... Here's a good one," the aging Kage announced, skim reading the short description of the job, "It seems that the Hiajiki Clan Head, Kurai-san, needs some help around his family's mansion and specifically asked for your team."

He continued, "It will be marked as a D-rank mission."

He looked up to see Team 7's reactions to this news.

Kakashi looked unsurprisingly nonchalant while the just made genins all had disappointed looks flash across their faces. Their teacher swiftly returned to his...interesting book.

Nobody noticed that Naruto's face paled and flinched when he heard the name of the man they would soon be helping. A quick smile soon replaced it though and his face blossomed with false excitement. With a foxy grin he exclaimed how he could do a mission five times harder than this.

Sasuke replied with his ever convenient nick name for the blond and a 'Hn' for the mission choice, his face remaining static.

Sakura floundered over the fact that her perfect hair and beautiful red dress would get ruined, but on the other hand she viewed the mission as an ample opportunity to get Saskue-kun to fall in love with her. Giggling, she pondered over what she would wear. Maybe a maid's outfit?, she blushed at what her inner Sakura had to say about that thought.

The Hokage sighed tiredly and told team 7 that their mission would start early tomorrow morning and to have the rest of the day off. He gave Naruto a pointed look that said to see him tomorrow after the mission overview to explain his absence to the last monthly meeting with him.

After team 7 was dismissed the Hokage sighed and got ready to face his toughest opponent up to date, paperwork.

A slam of the apartment's door alerted no one that Naruto was home. He threw his weapons pouch on his unoccupied counter. Glancing quickly around the apartment the blonde rushed to the bathroom.

* * *

Flinging open his mirror to reveal wooden shelves filled with medicine bottles and other things like first aid stuff. His eyes and hands desperately searched for what he wanted, what he needed. During his hunt for the unknown thing he carelessly knocked over medicine bottles causing one glass one to fall to the floor with a loud crash. Shards of glass scattered along the floor, a growing pool of sticky syrup followed in a unnatural hue.

A shaky breath came from Naruto, in his hand the instrument he desperately needed.

His shaking hand revealed a metal object. One edge had a slightly tapered edge to it as the light reflected off of the shiny metallic surface. There were small flakes of dried blood attached to the tapered end.

A sharp razor laid in his viselike grip. He slouched down with his back pressed up against the cold wall of the tub. His whole body was trembling as his tan hand held the razor in a better position.

Only one cut, he promised himself as he rolled up his orange jacket's sleeves and brought down the sharp blade.

Just one...

But one led to two and two led to three. Eventually both tanned arms had numerous cuts. From both upper arms down to his wrists there were so many cuts that they were impossible to count. There was no order to them some looked completely random while there were some spots where the cuts lined up, their meaning worth something only to the person who made them. Some were long healed and some were just barely starting to heal. The newer ones ranged from little nicks to slashes to large, deep gashes that were bleeding heavily and could potentially become fatal very soon.

The blonde didn't care though, he thrived on this pain. The cuts slowly released more and more blood, the initial slice was sharp and stinging, but grew to a warm ache he savored. This pain welcomed him and embraced him. It comforted him. Pain was something that he had all his life in many forms, it was a constant he desperately earned for.

Seeing his blood leave his body made him feel so empty. So blissfully empty. He wanted it all gone, but knew his vessel wouldn't agree and pump more and more of his chakra into him until all the flowing blood was gone. He couldn't lose this. No matter the consequences.

His baby blue eyes were glazed over in twisted pleasure. Black spots clouded his vision and a peacefully sad smile graced his face. Blood pooled around his arms and body coating his orange jacket an even brighter red. The black spots grew bigger as his head got dizzier until he passed out from blood loss.

He vaguely heard his name being called by the demon prisoner inside of him as his consciousness left him.


End file.
